Relentless Intentionality
Building a life brick by brick.
There’s a moment, every so often, when you realise you’ve crossed an invisible threshold.
You don’t notice the moment itself, there’s not really an “announcement” per say, but when you look back and reflect, it becomes super clear that you’re not who were anymore.
These are, in my experience, some of the most powerful realisations to take stock of and really celebrate.
Yesterday I had my final session with my coach, Dr Sarah, after a really rich and powerful year together and I felt the deep shifts that have truly landed in my body in our work.
We reflected on the year that I’ve lived, all the unexpected endings, the ruptures, the rebuilding, the immense grief, the new love, all the financial stretching, the deep inner world, the quiet miracles and what has been such a long exhale back to myself. As we went through the milestones, she said to me “It’s night and day from where you were. You’ve been relentlessly intention and it really shows.”
Mmmm I loved this reflection so much.
She is right, this year, despite all of its challenges and turns, has been full of relentless intention.
I’ve been building my new life on the ashes of my old life that I had to let go of. The way I’ve been doing this has been one, long fiercely devoted, not perfect or linear in any way, experiment in intentional living. Even when my confidence has been on the floor in moments and when I wasn’t sure on the next step in front of me.
Have you walked this experience yourself? Can you feel the thread of what I’m speaking to?
I know this is so true for so many of my clients. You keep showing up, brick by brick, seed by seed, moment by moment building your confidence as you go and allowing the next step to emerge.
In my humble experience, this is the way to build your life in a way that you can maintain and sustain.
The woman I am writing this to you is not the woman who began this year.
When I left Paris, I left a version of myself that was trying to re-find belonging in a place I had outgrown. I hate that my experience was that truth. I still do. I left my spiritual business eco-system that was quietly eroding me. I left a beautiful life that was not nourishing my deepest soul parts, even though it had so many of the things I wanted.
I walked away heartbroken deeply unsure of who I was without the identity I’d constructed. There was an inevitable collapse and descent that followed. Sometimes collapse is mercy. Sometimes the ground falling out under you is the only way you will be propelled to stand in your own sovereignty.
The period that followed this was so deeply raw. I can still feel the prickles on my skin. I was deeply grieving, building myself up from the floor, rediscovering my values, believes, voices, intuition, desire, self-trust. I was figuring out who I wanted to be without the noise, dogma, performance, outside influences, and even without the deep anchor of a life of service and my work.
Some days felt like progress and growth, others felt like being underwater and full of regression. But what remained steady and true was every day I was deeply intentional. And I surrendered to this rhythm that is normal and natural. We cycle. We go up and down. The journey is never really up, up, and up.
It was hard to turn towards myself and look in the mirror and continue getting to know myself from a much quieter place without so many external reference points to rest into it.
In the midst of all of this, I fell in love. Fell in love with a man who is steady, generous, structured and warm. A man who values family and wants a real life, in a deep and simple way. Being with him interrupts my patterns simply by existing differently than what I’ve known before him.
This love for me, has been another avenue of deep intentionality. My god is it confronting to have someone there, all the time, as a mirror. Could I let someone love me through this messy and initiatory year of figuring so much out. It’s been so tender, confronting and extremely human. I’ve learned a lot on the job and I’m very much, still learning on the job.
A lot of honesty and truth-telling (hello my habits of being beating round the bush of my desire - blaming my British Heritage for this one!) has created a real-relationship and it’s hard work. We’ve had continual hard conversations. We’ve recalibrated multiple times. We’ve let go of fantasies and illusion of the perfect person showing up as the perfect partner. It’s been a death cycle of slowly taking off the masks and letting the real person be revealed underneath.
We’ve argued and repaired, we’ve made changes, we’ve grown. We’re very much in this with intention rather than just because it’s nice to be together. I’ve learned that every conflict is a brick towards the life we’re carefully building.
Every moment of vulnerability is the next brick. Every repair was the next brick after that. This has shown me once again, how important it is to take our time to build something real and sturdy. Every time we’ve sped up, things have felt tense and pressured. Every time we’ve slowed down, made some space, things have felt lighter and more connected.
As the feminine partner, woman, I find it’s my job to set the pace and the emotional tone of the relationship. This has been very hard to do when I’ve been so deeply unravelled and raw. And I’ve done it. With intention. Not perfectly, but with a lot of heart and care. This I’m so very proud of.
Professionally, this has been a humbling year. Jesus lord. It’s worked me. There’s been instability, rebuilding, financial pressure, recalibrations of priorities (like to have a family!) and it’s asked me to pull up the Big Woman Panties and make grown up decisions that consider many more people other than myself.
I’ve been used to the freedom of running my business in a more fluid and intuitive way, being highly available to clients, deeply relational and emotionally present. I’ve also had a lot of creative freedom to create and design based on desire on a more short term basis.
This year I’ve changed my strategy and realised I need studier foundations and long-term structures, and I need my business to nourish me rather than exhaust me. It’s very evident that I’m only willing to pour from fullness and deficit has got to leave the building. So I’ve had to learn an entirely new baseline structure.
This has meant making the right investments to support me in building these structures and build much more slowly than I did before. And exploring my career outside of my business for the first time in nearly a decade.
So bringing in that role of intentionality again, I’m now pursuing a full-time role as a step into deep stability, adulthood, and real genuine spaciousness for my creative work again.
One of my coaches says, “Are you willing to love your business so much that you’d get a job for it?” Yes, mam, I am.
So I’m currently deep in operational assessments and data-driven thinking after so many years in feminine leadership and it feels really right. I feel like a really willing yes to new opportunities. I have so many skills to share after 15 years of entrepreneurship, leadership, running organisations and coaching. I’m deeply excited to grow my skills and I love that all of this is....intentionally building the scaffolding of my future life.
The theme that kept returning in my session yesterday was this:
Things take the time they take. But everything you’ve done this year has been building your future self.
I’m nearly 35 now and this part of my 30’s feels different. There’s a new depth and maturity coming in that feels like a undercurrent of steadiness I’ve not had before (hello restless soul!!). I have a long-term vision that I could not access at 28 or 30 or 32. There’s a lot less rushing and looking sideways. I’m really trying to stay rooted in my own perfect timeline and not look around and compare.
Brick by brick has taken me away from the life of instant gratification and wanting to have all the fun and candies right now. I’d say it’s sovereignty over spectacle and self-trust over self-abandonment and desire over fear.
What’s been really opening inside of this is....Desire, that really deep delicious kind of desire that is potent. That is for a future, for partnership, for stability, for thriving, for contribution, for wanting to feel deeply proud of the life I’ve built.
Long-term change is a much quieter kind of transformation. It’s happening in the background and then you realise one day how much the inner work and all the choices have changed you. It wasn’t dramatic, it came from a deep choice. You choose yourself, every day, over and over again. When it was easy and when it was really really hard.
So writing this newsletter to you is simply a love letter to that process and to the woman I’ve been becoming this year through all the uncertainty.
To all my fellow architects, soul designers and brick-layers, thank you for being here with me. It’s a beautiful season of life where everything feels possible and available.
I love you,
Liv
If something in you is stirring… consider my current offerings below as a deep invitation to the deeper parts of you.
🔥 The Final Flame
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